Trump and Elon Musk Get Into Slap Fight Over Oval Office Desk—Linda McMahon Forced to Intervene
by Melanie Sovran Wolfe
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Oval Office descended into absolute chaos yesterday when Donald Trump and Elon Musk got into a full-blown, kindergarten-level wrestling match over who gets to sit at the Resolute Desk.
The fight, which consisted mostly of sissy-slaps, flicks, and whiny complaints, was reportedly triggered when Musk plopped himself into the chair and called dibs.
Trump, unable to handle being out-alpha’d in his own delusional mind, immediately lunged at Musk—arms flailing like an angry Tickle Me Elmo.
How It Started: “That’s My Desk, You Robot-Looking Loser!”
Eyewitnesses report that Trump, storming into the Oval Office in a bathrobe and spray-tanned fury, found Musk leaning back in the chair, boots up on the desk, adjusting a Twitter poll on his phone.
"This is where the President sits, ELON. THAT’S ME. I’M THE PRESIDENT! THE REAL PRESIDENT! MY GOOD FRIEND PUTIN SAID SO!" Trump reportedly screeched.
Musk, barely looking up, rolled his eyes and muttered, "Relax, Donnie, I buy and sell people like you for fun."
At this point, Trump completely lost it.
Witnesses say he attempted to shove Musk out of the chair, but given that he has the upper body strength of a soggy breadstick, it was more of a weak nudge.
Musk, in response, lightly flicked Trump’s forehead and whispered, "Sad."
And that’s when all hell broke loose.
The Most Embarrassing Fight in Presidential History
Instead of a full-on brawl, what followed was something closer to two toddlers fighting over a toy truck.
✔ Trump swung his arms wildly but never actually connected with Musk’s face.
✔ Musk, laughing, tried to block the attacks using only his phone.
✔ Both men eventually resorted to weak, open-palmed sissy slaps that sounded like two raw chickens being smacked together.
A visibly uncomfortable Secret Service agent reportedly whispered, "Do we… stop this? Or just let them wear themselves out?"
It wasn’t until Trump BIT Musk in the balls that the fight took a dark turn.
Trump’s Finishing Move: The Ball Chomp Heard ‘Round the World
The breaking point came when Trump, realizing he was losing (mostly because Musk is taller and actually lifts things heavier than a Diet Coke can), went FULL feral.
Without warning, he ducked down, sank his fake teeth into Musk’s billionaire bits, and bit down like a rabid raccoon.
"AAAHHHHH! YOU’RE NOT FIGHTING FAIR! YOU’RE NOT FIGHTING FAIR!!!" Musk screamed, kicking his legs in agony as Secret Service officers pried Trump’s jaw open with the Jaws of Life.
It was at this moment that former WWE executive and Small Business Administrator Linda McMahon burst into the room, demanding to know why two grown men were fighting like drunk uncles at Thanksgiving.
Seeing that neither Musk nor Trump had actually landed a punch, thrown a chair, or even properly locked up like real wrestlers, McMahon called off the match due to “extreme lameness.”
"That was the weakest fight I’ve ever seen," she reportedly muttered while shaking her head.
Trump’s Meltdown: “I’M THE REAL VICTIM HERE!”
Once Secret Service peeled Trump off Musk’s crotch and separated the two, Trump immediately began a full-on man-baby meltdown.
"THIS IS A SETUP! EVERYONE IS AGAINST ME! ELON GASLIT ME! HE LIED! HE’S MEAN! I’M THE REAL VICTIM!"
While Musk was still doubled over in pain, Trump clutched his oversized suit jacket dramatically and wailed:
"THIS DESK IS MINE! MINE! MY GOOD FRIEND PUTIN SAID IT WAS MINE! HE’S A GREAT GUY, A TOUGH GUY, A REAL LEADER! NOT LIKE THIS NERD!"
By the time Trump collapsed on the floor in full tantrum mode, rolling back and forth screaming, “FAKE NEWS! WITCH HUNT! ILLEGAL!!!” Secret Service had already escorted Musk to the nearest ice pack.
The Fallout
✔ Trump now claims Musk “cheated” and wants a rematch.
✔ Musk has tweeted, “I’m going to build a new presidential desk that Trump isn’t allowed to sit at.”
✔ Putin, when asked to comment, simply sighed and poured another drink.
Meanwhile, the Resolute Desk remains standing—but permanently cursed.
Thanks for joining Opposite Day News (ODN), where we bring you news from another timeline—one where the economy isn't tanking, allies aren’t betrayed on live TV, and foreign policy isn’t dictated by who sent the nicest tweet. And most of all, Trump is losing his power.
