Harris Announces Mandatory Civics Tests for Voter ID—MAGA Voters Panic
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that has sent shockwaves through the “Don’t Tread on Me” bumper sticker community, President Kamala Harris has announced a new nationwide policy requiring all U.S. citizens to pass a basic civics test before obtaining a Voter ID card.
The policy, which aims to ensure that voters actually understand the system they’re voting in, was immediately met with praise from educators, legal scholars, and anyone who has ever listened to a MAGA supporter try to explain the Constitution.
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Basic Civic Knowledge: A Bridge Too Far for MAGA?
The test, modeled after the one given to immigrants applying for U.S. citizenship, includes questions like:
What are the three branches of government?
What does the First Amendment actually protect?
Can the president just “overturn” an election because they feel like it?
What’s the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship?
Critics of the policy immediately pointed out a huge, glaring problem:
Most MAGA voters wouldn’t pass this test if their Bud Light sponsorship depended on it.
Fox News immediately went into full meltdown mode, warning that this could lead to “mass voter disenfranchisement of Real Americans” (translation: people who have never read the Constitution but love to wave it around in parking lots).
One panicked Trump supporter told reporters, “This is unfair! We’re making voting too complicated! What’s next, requiring people to read?!”
A Growing List of Things MAGA Supporters Don’t Know
According to a recent survey, many self-proclaimed “patriots” have shown a stunning lack of basic civic knowledge, including:
✔ Believing the Vice President can “just not count” electoral votes.
✔ Thinking the Declaration of Independence is the same as the Constitution.
✔ Claiming the “right to free speech” means private companies can’t fire them for racism.
✔ Insisting that California has more Senators than Montana “because of the woke agenda.”
✔ Not realizing Puerto Rico is part of the United States.
When one MAGA voter was asked to name even one Supreme Court Justice, he confidently answered, “Judge Judy.”
Conservatives Call the Test “Rigged,” Demand an Easier Version
Right-wing politicians immediately condemned the new requirement, calling it a deliberate attempt to suppress their voter base.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (who recently lost a debate to his own shadow) demanded the test be modified to include questions MAGA voters could “actually answer.”
His proposed questions include:
What was Trump’s best rally?
How many times has Hillary Clinton been arrested in your imagination?
Who won the 2020 election? (Trick question! The answer is Trump.)
Meanwhile, Trump—still under house arrest at Mar-a-Lago—blasted the new test on Truth Social:
"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! FAKE TEST! TOTALLY UNFAIR! I TOOK IT AND PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS! (ONLY HAD TO CHEAT A LITTLE.) MAKE VOTING EASY AGAIN!!!"
The Fallout: GOP Strategists in Full Panic Mode
As the testing requirement inches closer to reality, Republican strategists are frantically trying to figure out how to prepare their voters for the challenge.
Some have suggested crash courses in basic government knowledge (which ironically sounds a lot like “education,” something MAGA voters have fought against for years).
Others are pushing to eliminate Voter ID laws altogether—which many Democrats find hilarious, considering Republicans fought for them in the first place.
Meanwhile, Harris remains firm on the policy, stating:
"If you don’t know that the president can’t just ‘declare’ themselves the winner of an election, you should not be voting on who the president is."
This is Melanie Sovran Wolfe, reporting from an isolated cabin in the woods of Maine, totally not singing ‘Red Rum, Red Rum.’
